"I don't like dancing. But Mum loves it. So every Wednesday, I put on my tutu. But I don't like tutus. They're itchy and pink." From boring lessons to painful splits, the narrator spares us nothing, right up to the end-of-year show where she starts on the wrong side and clowns around to the delight of the audience.

‘I don't like football. But Dad loves it. So every Sunday, whether it's pouring with rain or snow is covering the pitch, we go to training.’ Lucien hates football, training sessions, and running after a ball that rolls all the time. Sent into goal by the coach known as The Terror, he makes a remarkable save with his head by pure chance. His team and The Terror predict a great future for him in football, except that, as Lucien has already said, he does NOT like football.

I don't like dolls. And yet, people keep giving them to me! When I turned seven, sure enough... Granny Esther gave me a big doll with open eyes. But this time, there was no way I was going to let her get away with it!

‘I don't like being pretty. But every day before I go to school, Mum checks that my dress is ironed, my hair is combed, my tights are smooth, and my shoes are polished.’ And every morning, it's the same ritual: ‘How pretty she is!’ people say to me all the time. No squinting or picking your nose! The worst part is class photo day.